Every week, they manage to pack so much into every episode. In their time, they have barely progressed in the last three episodes. For me though, each episode passes by so quickly without me even realizing it!
Watari should get an award for best friend this fall anime season. We saw how broken he was after losing his match, but he always remained composed around others since they needed someone to comfort them. No matter what, he always cheers his friends on and will always provide them with guidance. Even when it came to Kaori, he pushed Kousei to go for her, despite the current situation. It’s better to know rather than live in regret all of your life.
Back to the performance piece now, Kousei is beginning to lose it again. Music can be used to express one’s emotions. Emi had a rage filled performance, Aiza wanted to be acknowledged, and Kaori had an explosive one. Each of them were trying to convey their own message. The Kousei playing right now is suffering and in agony. The music is rough and rushed because playing like this is bringing back painful memories of his mother. Towards the end, you can hear his notes becoming lighter, telling his audience that he’s ready to give up.
Going into this competition, Kousei prepared for it by going back to his old ways. Practicing nonstop, playing the piece to perfection. But that was exactly what he’d do when his mother was alive. Even if he wasn’t aware of it, mentally, he probably wanted to win the competition since he thinks that his mom is watching him. After being disqualified, he’s able to play however he likes. With winning being impossible, he’s able to be as free with his music as he wants.
There really were three Kousei’s performing in that competition. The first being the human metronome that his mother molded. He would play the pieces to perfection like a robot for the sake of winning. The second being the Kousei who was in despair from losing his mother. Losing a mother is painful, especially when ending on a bad note like he did. His music was hard on the audiences’ ears because of all the mixed emotions that were being conveyed. The last Kousei was the one who had found himself. From meeting Kaori, he found a new reason for playing music. To leave a lasting impression, and convey emotions so powerful that they can’t be captured by words.
In the end, he was able to pour his heart into his performance, and leave a lasting impression on the audience. The entire room was captivated by his performance. Even if he wasn’t playing for them, the raw passion and emotions he was trying to tell Kaori reached them as well. Upon finishing, the entire room fell silent. The performance was so powerful that it left everyone dumbfounded and confused with their own feelings for it.
While the performance was amazing, what followed after had to be my favorite part of the episode. Not only with Kousei and Kaori acknowledging each other, but he also finally made peace with his mother. His mother actually never said those hateful things towards him. She may have pushed him, but never once seemed spiteful. The mental block was created from his confused emotions following his final words to her. A mix of anger, sorrow, regret, and guilt. By finishing that performance, he’s liberated from his past and has made peace with his feelings for his mother. He has also found a new reason to play, rather than focusing solely on winning.
You can watch Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso Episode 10 on Crunchyroll