This was a rather heavy episode. Even though we just scratched the surface of Kousei’s performance, they really took their time to develop the characters at hand.
Even though Emi played last week, we got to see her beautiful performance once again. Only this time, we saw exactly what was running through her mind as she played. All of her passion, anger, and emotions in the past few years of her life, bottled up and released into this one performance. Seeing Kousei’s first performance, She began working towards a performance that could match his. While she has so much to say to him, no words need be said. As a musician, your music should be a medium to convey all of your feelings. If played well, the audience should understand exactly what the musician wanted to convey.
Seeing Kaori’s medicine, and her condition previously, I’m beginning to grow concerned for her. The way she came into their lives, like a flash, and how hard she’s trying to push Kousei on the road to recovery, leads me to believe she may be sicker than she claims. She’s always talking about being remembered, and living in the moment. If you’re spouting out things like that, I’d assume you already made peace with your condition and the future looks grim.
Seeing Kousei’s flashbacks touched on a heavy subject. Suffering from child abuse, he adopted a victim mentality. It’s hard for a kid to stand up against his mother, especially in her dying days. He took her abuse, thinking that it was his punishment for his actions. While his mother may not have meant it literally, her words really warped his mind. The best medicine being Kousei’s performance. As a kid, he took those words literally and became obsessed with that idea. He took on the burden because he honestly believed it would help his mother. He sacrificed his childhood to this cause.
With his mind being in such a warped and young state, his mother’s public abuse drove him over the edge. Being a kid, you say a lot of things you don’t mean. But the fact that “I wish you would die” were his last words to his mother have to haunt him. I’m not sure if her reason for pushing Kousei so hard is justifiable, but once she heard those words, you could see her regret. Maybe that image, seeing his mom break and then pass away is what made Kousei feel guilty. He always supported his mom, despite what people were gossiping about. He felt like he was the only one who knew her. In the end, he snapped, and his mother lost the one thing she thought she still had in the world. The guilt from that moment has been on Kousei’s shoulders since that day.
Because of all of this, Kousei believes that his mother hates him. He created this mental block for himself, thinking that his mom is a spiteful person. It looks like he’s about to fumble yet again. While it has to mentally exhausting, to keep putting yourself through this torment, I think Kaori has the right idea. Kousei really does enjoy music, and he’ll never be able to play it again if he doesn’t overcome his past.
If you’re wondering where my past Kimi Uso reviews are, you can find them in the weekly anime reviews.
You can watch Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso Episode 9 on Crunchyroll